Mourning and Remembrance

The meldado (Ottoman Sephardim)

From the Ladino word meldar, “to read” or “to study,” a meldado is a gathering to learn in memory of the dead. In the first year it could be held up to six times, including at thirty days, at seven, nine, and eleven months, and at the year, el anyo. Mourners chose psalms and passages of the Mishna whose first letters spell the name of the person who died. Once held at home with a shared meal, most meldados moved to synagogues in the twentieth century.

A table of consolation

The first meal after the funeral, the seudat havra'a, is prepared by others, so mourners do not have to care for themselves. Round foods recall the circle of life. A medieval commentator, Rashi, explained that eggs are round and have no mouth, like mourners who find it hard to speak. Some communities also serve lentils. Ladino speaking families set out sweet rolls, huevos haminados (slow cooked eggs), olives, and raisins, pasas, a play on the saying i esto va pasar, “this, too, shall pass.”

Tables across the Middle East

Customs vary from home to home. Accounts describe Persian Jews serving kuku sabzi, a fresh herb frittata, and Iraqi Jews reciting blessings over fruits and vegetables rather than bread. Mizrahi families may offer ring shaped ka'ak bread, Egyptian Jews a lentil and rice dish, Yemenite families a bowl of soup, and Bukharan families a full meal with dessert. In many Sephardic and Mizrahi homes, mourners eat together with their visitors.

Salonica: a shared city

In Salonica, home to Jews, Muslims, and Christians, a Jewish resident later recalled how much Jewish and Muslim funeral processions resembled one another. Funerals of wealthy families could include many rabbis, musicians, and a children's choir. Families sometimes hired planyaderas, professional mourners who sang laments and elegies to music.

The bedahey, a “house of life”

Ladino speakers called the cemetery the bedahey, from the Hebrew bet hahayim, “house of life.” It was a place of hope, not fear. Children visited parents' graves to share their troubles, and expectant mothers came to pray for a healthy birth. Annual grave visits, called ziyara, were a custom shared with Muslim neighbors.

Seattle: carrying customs to America

When Rabbi Avraham Maimon died in 1924, his funeral procession moved through Seattle's Sephardic neighborhood, and schoolchildren took part holding candles tied with black ribbons. Today, Sephardic Bikur Holim makes its ziyara on the Sunday between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, and Ezra Bessaroth visits the cemetery before the fall and spring holidays.

Rising from shiva

Rabbi Yosef Bitton describes a common Sephardic custom: on the eve of the seventh day, family and friends gather for Torah study and words of remembrance, followed by a meal once given to the poor. In his community it is called the haft, Persian for “seven.” The next morning, mourners visit the grave, recite the hashkava, and then rise from shiva.

Many names for remembering

The yearly anniversary has many names. Ashkenazi Jews say yahrzeit, a word some Ladino speakers adopted too. Others say meldado or anyo, and some Sephardic families use the Hebrew azkara, “remembrance.”

From home to synagogue. In the Ottoman Empire, families held the meldado at home around a shared meal. By the twentieth century, in Seattle as elsewhere, most had moved into synagogues. Louise Azose of Seattle missed the old way. “They come, they say a few words as a meldado, boom, everybody goes home,” she said. For her, losing the meal meant losing the feeling of remembering together.

Blending words and ways. Communities learned from their neighbors. Some Ladino speakers adopted the Yiddish word yahrzeit for the anniversary of a death. In the Ottoman world, grave visits echoed customs of Muslim neighbors.

Carried by memory. Many life cycle customs were passed down by word of mouth, often by women. As fewer families spoke Ladino, some customs faded, while others survived. Asking elders how a family mourned, and recording their answers, helps keep these traditions alive.

Common misconceptions

• “Jewish mourning customs are the same everywhere.” The basic stages are shared, but prayers, melodies, foods, and terms differ from community to community.
• “The Kaddish is a prayer about death.” Only the special Kaddish said at a burial speaks of death and resurrection. The familiar Mourner's Kaddish does not mention death at all.
• “Remembrance happens once a year.” Ladino speaking Sephardim could gather for a meldado up to six times in the first year.
• “Cemeteries were places to avoid.” For many Sephardic families, the cemetery was a “house of life,” visited with children and in times of hope.

In the public school classroom

• Before teaching, remember that some students may be grieving. Give advance notice, offer a quiet alternative, and never ask students to share personal losses.
• Teach about customs as culture and history, and compare how many traditions comfort mourners with food, visits, and memory.
• Explore the shared world of Salonica, where Jewish and Muslim funeral processions looked much alike, as an example of neighbors influencing one another.
• Use primary sources, such as the photographs and documents in the University of Washington exhibit.
• Do not reenact funerals, shiva, or a meldado, and do not have students recite the Kaddish, the hashkava, or other prayers.

In Jewish schools and communities

• Invite a rabbi or hazzan to explain the hashkava and play recordings of community melodies.
• Study the meldado and its custom of learning texts that spell a loved one's name.
• Prepare a meal or tray for a mourning family as a class act of kindness.
• With older students, learn about the volunteer work of the hevra kadisha and why communities hold it in such high honor.
• Explore the Sephardi & Mizrahi Education Toolkit for heritage across the school year.

At home and with family

• Ask relatives what your family calls the anniversary of a death, and how it is marked.
• Look through old prayer books for names and dates recorded inside the covers.
• Share a favorite story or recipe of someone you miss.
• When visiting relatives' graves, tell children about the people buried there, so names become stories.
• Record an elder's memories for JIMENA's oral history project.

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